What Every Parent Needs to Know

Recognizing Signs of Trauma or Intense Stress

Classroom Signs of Trauma

  • Extreme shyness and difficulty engaging with others

  • Disproportionate reactions to setbacks and unexpected changes

  • Trouble managing strong emotions (extreme anger, excessive crying, etc.)

  • Clinginess

  • Difficulty transitioning from one activity to the next

  • Forgetfulness

  • Frequent complaints of feeling sick

Additional Resources:

Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Traumatic Events - National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

PFA and SPR | The National Child Traumatic Stress Network - features downloadable guides, tip sheets, and toolkits for families, with materials tailored for parents, foster/adoptive families, and teens.

Tips for Talking with and Helping Children and Youth Cope After a Disaster or Traumatic Event: A Guide for Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers - SAMHSA, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: offers infographics and guides to understanding child trauma and outlines caregiver steps for recovery.

Helping Children Cope with Traumatic Events - Child Care Aware® of America - Book lists, downloadable recovery guides, tip sheets, and links to additional help for coping after disasters or community crises.

Disaster Distress Helpline for Immediate Crisis Counseling | SAMHSA

When to Seek Teen Trauma Treatment

  • Exhibiting reckless, harmful, or erratic behavior

  • Expressing suicidal thoughts

  • Threatening violence to themselves or others

  • Feeling consumed by depression or anxiety

  • Numbing out and secluding themselves from family and friends

  • Excessive use of drugs and/or alcohol to self-medicate

Signs of Youth Substance Use

  • Mood changes (temper flare-ups, irritability, defensiveness)

  • Academic problems (poor attendance, low grades, disciplinary action)

  • Changing friends and a reluctance to have parents/family get to know the new friends

  • A "nothing matters" attitude (lack of involvement in former interests, general low energy)

  • Finding substances (drug or alcohol) in youth’s room or personal effects

  • Physical or mental changes (memory lapses, poor concentration, lack of coordination, slurred speech, etc.) 1

1 For more info see https://www.ptsd.va.gov/apps/STAIR/STAIROverview/010201----.htm

How to Communicate to Motivate

For families of teens who use substances

  • Difficulty focusing

  • Lack of safety awareness

  • Missed deadlines

  • Poor academic performance

  • Apathy and lack of effort

  • Perfectionist tendencies

  • Physical and/or verbal aggression

The Beyond Addiction Workbook for Families and Friends: Evidence-based Skills to Help A Loved One Make Positive Change - Jeffrey Foote, Kenneth Carpenter and Carrie Wilkens

When your child exhibits signs of trauma or has lived through a traumatic event

Strategies that can help you and your child adjust to trauma's effects:

  • Learn to notice and avoid (or lessen) "triggers." Find out what distracts or makes your child anxious. Work to lessen these things.

  • Set up routines for your child (for the day, for meals, for bedtime) so they know what to expect.

  • Give your child a sense of control through simple choices. Respect your child's decisions.

  • Do not take your child's behaviors personally.

  • Try to stay calm. Find ways to respond to outbursts that do not make things worse. Lower your voice. Do not yell or show aggression. Do not stare or look directly at your child for too long. Some children see this as a threat.

  • Remain available and responsive when your child keeps you at a distance.

  • Avoid discipline that uses physical punishment. For a child who was abused, this may cause panic and out-of-control behavior.

  • Let your child feel the way they feel. Teach your child words to describe their feelings when they are calm, words they can use when they get upset. Show acceptable ways for them to deal with feelings. Then, praise them for expressing their feelings or calming down.

  • Be consistent, predictable, caring, and patient. Over time, this shows your child that others can be trusted to stay with them and help them. It may have taken years of trauma or abuse to get the child in their current state of mind. Learning to trust again is not likely to happen overnight—or anytime soon.

  • Ask for help whenever you have concerns, questions, or are struggling. There are proven therapies to help children and parents adjust to the effects of trauma. Pediatricians, developmental specialists, and therapists can suggest ideas why your child reacts certain ways, and effective responses. Sometimes medications, used appropriately, will help to manage symptoms and make learning new ways possible.

More Resources for Parenting in Today’s World

Books:

Hold onto Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld, PhD and Gabor Maté, MD

Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsebary, PhD

The Power of Showing Up by Daniel Siegel, MD

Rest, Play and Grow by Deborah MacNamara, PhD

Reclaiming Our Students by Hannah Beach and Tamara Neufeld Strijack

Adolescence: Brain Storm by Dan Siegel, MD

Adolescence: The Whole Brain Child by Dan Siegel, MD

Websites:

Neufeld Institute - Gordon Neufeld, PhD - Making sense of kids - developmental science in practice

The Anxious Generation - Jonathan Haidt

Screenagers Movie

PTA Guide to TikTok - downloadable PDF

Stand Together - a philanthropic community

Podcasts:

Hold Onto Your Kids - with Gordon Neufeld, PhD, 63 min.

Anxious Generation - with Jonathan Haidt, 65 min.

Parenting in the Screenage - Screenagers with Delaney Ruston, MD

Videos:

The Thriving Kids Projects - Child Mind Institute - Videos for common parenting challenges, including an evidence-based video series for kids and parents.