Practical Tips for Trauma-Informed Communication
Look through the lens of ‘What happened to you?’ This sets the stage to move beyond judgement and stigma while helping us to understand the direct connection between trauma, adversity, toxic or chronic stress and behavior.
Moving beyond stigma
Building confidence
Acknowledge the individual’s strength, efforts or positive qualities. This helps build their confidence. Example: “I am impressed with your courage to talk about this”.
Avoid lecturing when wanting to help or support someone. Instead, you may ask an open-ended question like, ‘What are some of the ways your smoking might be interfering with your relationships?’
Open-ended questions
Explain clearly what you do, what you expect, or any rules and requests you have.
Be predictable
Some people have specific boundaries around touch, personal space, or topics of conversation. It is important to avoid language or actions that could be perceived as invasive or disrespectful.
Respect boundaries
Offer choices and empower people to make decisions instead of telling someone what to do. This empowers the individual and builds trust.
Provide options
Foster community and connection
Example: “I am here to listen. What feels helpful for you? What are your needs right now?”
Acknowledge and validate others’ emotions and needs, even if you may not fully understand or agree with them. Saying, “I can see that this is important to you, and I appreciate your perspective," can go a long way in diffusing tension.
Show empathy
Practice active listening:
Paraphrasing and summarizing what the speaker has said helps to demonstrate your attentiveness and ensure accurate understanding. Reflecting back their thoughts and feelings validates their emotions and encourages further disclosure. It shows the speaker that you are truly engaged and willing to understand.
Resist the urge to immediately solve or correct.
Give your full and undivided attention to the speaker, maintain eye contact, and avoid interrupting.
Fully engage with the speaker and focus on what they are saying without judgement or interruption.
Show genuine interest and seek to understand their perspective, feelings, or experiences. Use non-verbal cues such as nodding or smiling to encourage the speaker.
Avoid triggering language:
Be mindful of words or tones that might evoke fear, shame or anger. Examples: “a person who has experienced trauma,” instead of “victim,” and “It sounds like this was really difficult for you,” instead of “that’s all in the past,” or "just calm down,” or “you are not trying hard enough,” or “why are you acting this way?”
Certain graphic descriptions of violence or other adversity can trigger memories and emotions.
Avoid commands or sarcasm.
Choose words that promote respect and understanding.
If you are unsure what language might be triggering, you can ask the individual directly what language they prefer or find helpful. Avoid blaming and judging: instead focus on empathy and support. Example: instead of ‘what’s wrong with you’, ask, ‘how can I help you?’. This validates their feelings and experiences and your willingness to support them.
Use person-first language: focus on recognizing the person as a whole and not defining them by their disability or trauma. Example: ‘trauma victim’ vs ‘a person with lived trauma experience’.
Apologize when needed: if you say something that unintentionally harms or triggers someone, a genuine apology can restore trust.
Role-model emotional regulation: a calm measured tone can help coregulate a person in distress, modeling healthy coping mechanisms and setting a supportive tone.
Observe without judgement. For example, instead of saying “You often don’t listen when I’m speaking”, you can say, “When we met today, I noticed that you were on your phone.”
Avoid nagging and criticizing but give appraisal for good intentions and efforts. This helps reinforce positive change.
Consider making positive requests such as instead of saying what you don’t Iike, say what you like. For example, “I want you to come home before 10 pm” rather than, “I don’t want you to come home late at night.”